Contemplating life from beneath a mountain of bubbles in our balcony bathtub as I sip a glass of chilled Cava, I wonder what I’d need to do in order to take up permanent residence in Aguas de Ibiza.
We’re certainly staying in good company – the next day, I spot one of those baths on Professor Green’s Instagram feed. I’m sure he’s having a lovely time, but I’m not sure he’s having quite as lovely a time as us.
Because we’re really, really loving life at Aguas de Ibiza, where staff pad around in loose white outfits as if they’re about to administer luxury massages rather than transport baggage to bedrooms, where eco-credentials are key, and where no weird demand you could issue would be too much trouble.
In the swim
Located in Santa Eulalia bay on Ibiza’s east coast, the five-star resort eschews the island’s notorious party lifestyle in favour of relaxation and revitalisation – and boy does it deliver. Mere moments after arrival, we’re poolside: flat on our backs on an upholstered double sun lounger; one staff member erecting a sun umbrella whilst another brings us a couple of spanking-fresh juices.
And there we remain, blissfully chilled, flopping in and out of the sparkling water and convincing ourselves that supping a martini whilst perched on the seat that runs the length of the pool is doing our bodies every bit as much good as a set of fast-paced lengths.
The first prickles of hunger strike, and the club sandwiches we can see fellow sun-worshippers munching look mighty fine. But a dinner reservation at the hotel’s rooftop restaurant is calling, so we retire to our room to cool down and glam up.
That room is an absolute beaut. The vast bed would dominate most spaces, but this mood-lit suite is so gigantic it’s almost dwarfed. A sofa and table arrangement and silent, fabulously icy aircon renders out-of-hours laptop work almost a pleasure, whilst on the generously-proportioned balcony, a gauzy curtain offers shade (and privacy if you’re luxuriating in the aforementioned bathtub).
The resort’s mod cons, facilities and altogether slick operation are all the more impressive considering Aguas de Ibiza uses 35% less energy than similar properties. One suspects that the deficit may well be made up for by staff endeavour, because every single one of the many employees you meet is so on the ball.
As dusk falls, we zip up to the hotel’s roof, supping a quick cocktail beside the adults-only pool before strolling a few feet into Vi Cool to sample celeb chef Sergi Arola’s modern tapas.
The menu lives up to the venue’s name – styled like a comic book spread, it’s one of the coolest I’ve encountered to date. Of a multi-dish meal, our highlight is Iberico ham covered in a thatch of crisp straw potatoes, topped with soft-cooked eggs (Spain’s answer to the beloved Brit ham, egg and chips). Most surprising? It has to be my chocolate dessert, proudly served in a flowerpot topped with cookie ‘soil’.
Front-loaded by repeat visits to the best buffet breakfast either of us have had the pleasure of falling upon, the next day brings more of the same. And when ‘the same’ means ‘utter bliss’, why quibble? The only thing we care to switch up is dinner which, tonight, we take at Alabastro Lounge, Aguas de Ibiza’s informal modern Med brasserie.
We dine from land and sea – first on crisp, lemon-scented squid and home-made jamon and salt cod croquettas; then on a superb special of fried gnocchi with spicy Ibicencan sobrassada sausage and a lacquered veal sirloin that it’s really too hot to order but which we can’t resist. Puddings are memorable, but a little too much wine renders those memories hazy.
They say breaking up is hard to do, but checking out of Aguas de Ibiza aint easy either. Once you’ve had a taste of this kind of high life, that back-to-earth bump is guaranteed to hurt.
Make it happen
Where: Aguas de Ibiza, Salvador Camacho, 9, 07840 Santa Eulària des Riu, Islas Baleares, Spain
Find out more: To visit the website, click here